His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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