SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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