everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
