Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
