i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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