I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
