Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is the high leading the old right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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