If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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