i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
