whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
