Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
A+ Viking dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
