why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
