On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
