Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
