Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
