He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
