It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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