I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
