For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
