dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
