My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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