True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
