An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
