from now on my penis is your penis
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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