i would punch a child for taco bell
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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