Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
