Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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