I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
