Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
