Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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