And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
