i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
