we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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