we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
