Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
