Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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