if you like me you must not know who I am
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
