mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
