Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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