Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
