my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
