Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
