Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He did a backflip because drugs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
