I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
