I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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