i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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