You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
