god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
