I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
