Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
