Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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