tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
