yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
