remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Text me some of your sweat
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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