she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
