get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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